Internal Memo: Avoiding Paranormal Activity During Remote Meetings
First of all, let us express our sincere appreciation to all of our employees for adapting to the new reality of working remotely. Unfortunately, there have been a number of unusual events during remote working meetings that Human Resources would like to address. While there are a number of best practices for conducting an efficient and professional conference call, we would specifically like to address how to avoid having your digital team collaboration transition into a paranormal event.
Human Resources has begun working with a reputable supernatural consultant and have been able to determine what may be causing the departed to engage with our employees. Below are some guidelines we encourage employees to follow.
The first guideline is to avoid working in a quiet environment when you are on calls. While this seems counterproductive, communicating from a quiet room just so happens to be the first rule of conducting a seance. Expense a wireless headset and plan your meetings around times when your neighbors are doing yard work, your children are playing, or anytime you think your dog will be barking. This will help deter spirits from wanting to interrupt your team discussions.
Second, it will now be mandatory to include employees in your meetings who do not subscribe to superstition or belief in the supernatural. Human Resources has conducted an internal survey and will provide managers with a list of employees who are self-identified non-believers. Managers will be expected to work from this list and include an employee from it in every remote meeting they schedule with their team.
The third guideline we would like for employees to follow is to prepare detailed questions about your respective projects for team discussion. Lonely spirits are more inclined to respond to simple or basic questions. For internal reference, Marketing had a particularly creepy experience when someone asked,” How was your weekend?”
Similarly, when you’re trying to determine if someone is on a scheduled call, do not ask the question, “Are you with us?” This is a trigger phrase for the dearly departed and will be received as an invitation to begin a conversation from the other side.
Similarly, when you’re trying to determine if someone is on a scheduled call, do not ask the question, “Are you with us?” This is a trigger phrase for the dearly departed and will be received as an invitation to begin a conversation from the other side.
Finally, the fourth guideline is more of a request regarding your remote workspace. Based on the otherworldly interruptions our staff have experienced, it is the professional opinion of our medium consultant that some employees are keeping lit candles in their workspace, and frequently accompanied with dim lighting. While it is impossible for Human Resources to police this behavior, we do ask that employees abstain from lighting candles during work hours.
Thank you for reviewing these guidelines and for exercising them during this difficult transition. If you suspect that your meeting has been infiltrated by a spirit from beyond the grave, please find the repurposed sexual harassment report form on our Employee Resources intranet page, fill it out and submit it immediately. We appreciate your cooperation in this matter.